Mother arrived by mail today. The box was less than twelve by twelve and heavier than I'd imagined. I got a yellow, number 2 pencil, and used it to stir the ash. There were little knobs and hard things in it.

"Shes here."
"Did you open the box?"
"It's small," I said.
"Did you OPEN it?"
"Yes."
"Its her? Youre sure? Shes definitely dead?"
"Youll have to see for yourself."

Helen is the pretty one. She works the phones selling storm doors and windows for Johnson Construction. Straight commission so she can leave whenever she wants. Shed be home in twenty minutes. I checked my watch and went to the kitchen to make tea. Helen likes Earl Gray with cream and sugar. I like lemon.

Mother died on vacation in Florida. Death happens frequently in Florida. A body can't fly alone on a commercial carrier, I don't fly at all and Helen didn't want to use the vacation days she was saving for a trip to Vermont. The Dade County Sheriffs Office suggested cremations and the US Mail.

I heard Helen at the door as I carried the tea tray to the table in the living room. I smiled, set the tray in the center and put mother's ashes on the end.

Helen walked in and sat next to me on the couch. She reached out and fingered the corrugated edges of the cardboard box. "Do you think its really her?"

I poured the tea. "There's no way to tell," I said. "But Dade County wouldnt make a mistake like that, would they?" I added two lumps and cream to Helens tea, laid a spoon on the saucer and handed it to her. "Sometimes we have no choice but to trust people."

Helen stirred and set the cup next to mother's box. She opened the lid and peered inside. "It's gray," she said.
"Shes quite heavy," I said and sipped.
"I expected more."
Helen peered into the box. She took her spoon and stirred the ashes. I leaned back into the couch. "We have to decide what to do with her," Helen said. She lifted her spoon and soft gray talc clung to the bowl. She lowered the spoon into her tea and stirred. She took a sip. "Needs more sugar," she said.

I handed her a cube and waited. She drank again. "I like her better this way," she said.

Helen looked at me over the edge of her tea cup. "Let's make a list," she said. "Places to put her." She pulled a scrap of paper from her pocket. I handed her the pencil from behind my ear.

"The railroad crossing at Harmon Avenue," I said. "where the trucks go to the dump."

Helen wrote it down. "Willeyburger?" she said.
"Carter's Salvage, way in the back where the Edsels and Chevettes are piled high."
Helen smiled and wrote it down. "The LeBrea Tarpits," she said.
"Isn't that in California?" I asked.
"It might be worth the trip."
"The Dumpster behind Chung King's Chinese Dynasty?"
"Ott Galle's pig sty."
"Lolly Poker's bed."

"How many is that?"

Helen pursed her lips and counted down the list, using the sharp point of the pencil to help her keep her place. "Nine," she said.

I offered her a cookie. She took a bite and shook crumbs into mothers box. There was a twinkle in her eye.

Helen almost got married once to Ott. He was old and she was only twenty. She had the twinkle then, but mother scared him off by saying he had to marry the oldest, if he meant to have one of her girls. Helen never blamed me.

"The privet hedge beside the Do Duck Inn where the drunks pee," I said.

Helen popped the rest of the cookie in her mouth and wrote it down.

Helen wrote it down. We sat thinking for amoment, then Helen took the box and dumped it on the carpet. "Why rush?" she said. She stood, ground the ash in with her blue slingbacks and then went to the closet for the vacuum. When she sucked the dust off the floor we could hear the knobs and hard things pinging against the beater bar.

"That's good enough," I finally said. Helen's eyes met mine. She turned off the vacuum and put it away in the closet. We finished our tea and cookies. Helen dropped mother's obituary at the newspaper office on her way back to work. It appeared in the newspaper the following morning.

Helen read it to me over breakfast. "We still have to empty the vacuum bag," I said.

"Yes," Helen said. "But now we have time to think about it."