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Poem
by Mark Bibbins



CONCERNING THE LAND TO THE SOUTH OF OUR NEIGHBORS TO THE NORTH

How does it feel, Hawaii, to be first, for a change?

The state bird of Delaware flies too fast to be identified—
see, it’s already over Nebraska, booming a sonic boom.

Comprised of two ovals, Michigan is known as The Infinity State.

Illinois has some imposing adult stores along the railway.

West Virginia was made overseas and brought to us, chunk by chunk, aboard container
           ships.

During his final days, Hiram Warren Johnson, governor of California from
           1911 to 1917, subsisted on scorpions and grapes.

No one could have foreseen what a handful Utah would become, influenced
as it is by the contrarian zephyrs of New Hampshire, three states away.

Scientists predict that Colorado will soon be an archipelago,
though not in our lifetime, and Florida shall turn dusty
as the Necco wafers scattered nightly across Massachusetts.

It is the custom in Maryland to honor the stegosaurus on Stegosaurus Day.

Not even the kimchi of Oregon can rival
the kimchi produced in South Dakota.

Knock knock who’s there Texas Texas who no just Texas.

Before it was written, my novel was banned in Rhode Island on account of the unions.

New Jersey, did you know that one of your shoulders was queer?

The night sky over Iowa resembles flannel, the moon a fluctuating stain.

Engorged fleas of Missouri bounce across the land, crushing all in their path.

Has anyone seen Tennessee? It was here a minute ago.


Nevada has kind of a shitty homepage, but not
as bad as that of Arkansas, which lists “Deposit to Inmate Bank Accounts” as one of
            its top five online services.

Washington is rich in natural anagrams.

In the deep and frigid caves of Arizona live fish that started
out in Kansas and got lost on their way to the sea.

Wearing boxer–briefs in Oklahoma will net you a $40 fine, while
the penalty for mixed metaphors in Vermont is garroting;
of course, if you’re heard saying “You go, girl” in Alaska, that’s two months’
            community service.

Minnesota, can we borrow some brown sugar?

Indiana has a tail—Jesus, a tail!

As in Andorra, the main environmental hazard of Pennsylvania is avalanches,
while overgrazing has decimated nearly half of Maine.

New York remains, alas, the only state without a capital.

SOUTH CAROLINA SURE LOOKS DELICIOUS appears on every license plate
in North Carolina.

Wisconsin blames its financial woes on shady investment deals involving a chain of
            make-your-own-scrapple emporia.

Trust me, you do not want to get arrested in Georgia.

Nothing else sticks in your teeth like Wyoming’s nostalgia.

The limbo, thought by many to have been invented in Louisiana,
can in fact trace its roots to New Mexico.

Existential and Persnickety are small towns in Ohio, and would you
believe the state fish of Montana is the blackspotted cutthroat trout?

…Idaho…

Mississippi means gesundheit in Esperanto.


Satellite images of North Dakota look pretty much like you’d expect, and one
can only avoid Virginia for so long.

Speaking of arcane delicacies, Pewee Valley, Kentucky (pop. 1,436), is famous
            for a dish called “leather pie.”

Well, this is the first I’ve heard of Alabama.

Connecticut! we’re sawing you in half.