ABOUT

CONTENTS

EDITORIAL

ARCHIVE

LAGNIAPPE

MAST

SUBMISSIONS

 
DRIVING LESSONS
by Sally Dawidoff

La Voiture

Ze steereeng wheel:
Ze dashboard:
Ze gas:
Ze brake:
Ze steek:
Careful wisza steek!
You know, ze bes drivers make ze bes lovers.
But you are special--I can tell--
even zough you drive like zees.



Le Téléphone

Mees Amereeca!
What are you weareeng?
Est-elle jolie, ta robe de nuit fleurie?
Why don' you ask me!
Notteeng!



La Voiture

Do you want to know how fas
zees car can go on ze highway?
Put your foot down on ze gas!
Go!
Ze dog are chaseeng you!
Work! Too slow! Too slow!
Ze dog are close!



Le Cinéma

Who taught you how to kees like ze French?



La Voiture

"Il n'y a pas le feu"? Veray funnay.



Le Vestibule

I know
zat ze parts of your boday I haf not yet seen
mus be beautiful.



Le Sofa

I love zees new words!
Nightie.
Frumpy.
Your nightie ees frumpy!
Teepsy.
You are teepsy.
Are you feeleeng naughty yet?



La Chambre

You seenk zat was fas?
Nex time we do even faster.



Le Téléphone

Mees Amereeca! When
weel we have anozer leçon?
You don' need any? You haf
bought your own car?
A "Nova." No-va?
(Careful wisza steek.)
But a lesson--
Ah. "'No' means Non." Veray funnay.
Alors. Bonne chance.
Bye-bye.

(She want a slowpoke.)