"Quit your job and light a fart,
      "Scratch your favorite body part,
      "It's....the...Man Show!",
 
 
 

     That's part of the opening jingle for The Man Show, which premiered on Comedy Central early last year. And no, I'm 
not making it up. This is an honest to God television show that applauds fart-lighting and crotch-scratching before the opening credits roll. The message is obvious: If you can't make it through the theme song without scrunching up your face and going "Ewww!", there's no point watching the rest of the show. But you'll be missing something mighty special if you don't. 

     See, The Man Show is dedicated to the core beliefs of Real Men, ignoring the fact that most of these beliefs are frowned upon by the penis-deficient. From the fart-lighting opening ditty to the girls-jumping-on-trampolines closing, this show is specifically geared toward putting guys in touch with their Inner Caveman without making any apologies or pulling any punches. Nobody is exploring their feminine side on this show, and vegetarians probably aren't even allowed in the audience. This is where you go to watch scantily-clad bimbos gyrate on firepoles while a dirty old geezer sings perv songs and guzzles beer faster than you can dump it on the ground. It's a world where bellybutton lint is celebrated, porn starlets give household hints, and lighting a firecracker stuck in a pile of dogshit is considered a Worthwhile Scientific Experiment. 

     Something I personally never had any doubts about, even before the show existed. 

     And anyone who dares to ask a stupid question like "Why would anyone even WANT to light a fart?" can expect to get beaten with a bratwurst, savagely wedgied, and dropped out a window. It's pretty obviously that they don't belong there.
 

     But while most of the show is devoted to the raunchy and hilarious, portions of it actually DO serve a constructive purpose. Specifically, to vocalize important attitudes that many guys share, but most lack the vocabulary or inclination to state out loud. For instance, during a Siskel & Ebertesque film review of some estrogen-enhanced chickflick, co-host Jimmy Kimmel states "You couldn't get me to see this movie if you super-glued my genitalia to a cannonball and fired it through the theater doors." A statement no REAL man can hear without feeling like a very important nail has been hammered squarely on the head. Of course it comes as no surprise that this show is a big hit with guys, especially drunk ones. But as strange as it may seem, most women seem to think the show is pretty good too. Probably because they tend to be more open-minded toward new ideas than men are. They realize that this show can give them a peek at a part of the male psyche that's rarely presented in public, and that by gaining an understanding of what men think are funny, they can better appreciate the things that drive the male mind. 

     HAH! Just kidding. 

     Most women actually hate this show, and you know what? Guys really don't give a ripe shit. Unless the chick is doing a kootch dance or fetching a beer, they weren't invited anyway. Women tend to think The Man Show is stupid and pointless and disgusting, but that's exactly what it's supposed to be. If the name "The Man Show" were already taken, the creators could've called it "The Stupid Pointless Disgusting Show", and it would attract just as many viewers as it does now. Because it's made for guys who'd rather slop up booze and scope out hooters than split atoms. Anyway, if you haven't seen an episode yet, I suggest you catch one as soon as possible. You'll either receive a solid validation of your deepest beliefs, or find something fresh to sneer at. But even if the show sounds offensive and crude, try to keep an open mind. A good way to accomplish this is to eat a bowl of chili and chug a six-pack before the show. Keep a lighter handy too. By the time the closing credits roll, there's no telling what might seem like a good idea.

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John Pelligrino(c)1999

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