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Four Poems
by Jonah
Winter
Christmas
Play
ACT
I: Restaurant blows up.
ACT II: Limousine with Jersey plates drives away from caved-in, burning
restaurant.
ACT III: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer wanders into quiet, suburban
living room where he starts singing final aria from Puccini’s
“La Bohème.” When
aria’s over, reindeer explodes.
[Curtain
falls on flaming debris]
A Street Scene Superimposed Against a Giant Naked Baby
Who
was it first said, “God is in the barcalounger”?
Who was it first said, “Beauty is the darkness
in the armpit of someone who is levitating”?
Who was it first said, “Petunia, my darling”?
Well it wasn’t me!
I was busy filling out income tax forms
for other people. That way,
I can always open my mouth when I want to.
Now for the street scene:
…so I was telling my friend Frank,
Frank, I says, lower your head a little,
a little lower, a little lower…
Giselle: The Poem
Right
after Count Whozitz gets almost Willied to death
by the beautiful dead maidens in white,
a large swan walks onto the stage
wearing platform shoes.
The music stops.
The curtain falls.
BRAVO!
BRAVO!
Riddles
Q. What
time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
A. It’s the apocalypse. Corpses roll out from their vats.
*
Q. What’s the difference between an ostrich and Count Dracula?
A. Vats of blood.
*
Q. Who wrote the book of love?
A. Frankenstein.
*
Q. How many dimes would it take to build the Tower of Babel?
A. 70,000 – if the dimes were attached to human corpses.
*
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Dismembered body parts.
*
Q. Why did the man climb the mountain?
A. Because a razor blade was scratching his face off.
*
Q. How can someone be their own grandpa?
A. The spike must be driven precisely through the forehead.
Jonah Winter is the author of Maine
(Slope Editions) and Amnesia
(Field Poetry Series). His poems have appeared in recent issues of The
Literary Review, Boston Review, Ploughshares, and Ducky.
He recently made his operatic debut with the Metropolitan Opera. |
