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Story
by Anthony Tognazzini


Dan Meets Dave

Dan, have you met Dave?

         Dave, this is Dan. Dan, Dave.

         Dave said he thought he might have met you before, but Dan you’ve never seen Dave before in your life, have you? I didn’t think so. Must have been some other Dan who looked like you. Anyway—Dave, Dan—I’m sure you’ll have plenty to talk about. Dave’s been thinking about restoring his antique tractor and entering it in the Lualiafield tractor contest, Dan, and since your antique tractor is a shining example of restoration, and seeing as how you won the Lualia last year, I thought you might could give Dave some pointers. That’s a convo sparker right there. And Dave, Dan’s got a baseball card collection that is not to be believed. Dan’s got doubles of Carl Yastremski and Dave I know you need a Carl Yastremski and Dave I know you’ve got doubles of Joe Rudi from the Oakland A’s and Dan I know you’ve been searching high and low for a vintage Joe Rudi. I’ve got a feeling you two are gonna hit it off big.

        Dave, did you know that Dan’s favorite band is the Flying Burrito Brothers? And Dan—guess what?—Dave lives for those little pimento sandwiches. It’s kinda uncanny, really. Like predestination.

        Dan maybe Dave can help you reinforce the steel and concrete infrastructure for the underground fitness facility you’re building beneath your summerhouse? Dave’s great at handiwork, and he’s got his own cement mixer, having put up a personal squash court at Springvale last year. An epic meeting: Dan and Dave.

        Hey, Dan once broke three vertebrae trying to do a standing flip, Dave, same as you! I’m getting chills from the connective energies at large here. And speaking of chills, Dan, if your wife’s still looking for a little extra something on the side, the proportions of Dave’s pulsating column of manhood are legendary. Although maybe I could help out a little in that department too. Heh-heh. Heh. Eh-heh-heh-heh. Eh-heh-heh.

        Hoo.

        Either of you got a buck for the jukebox?

     


Anthony Tognazzini has work that has appeared or will appear in Sentence, spork, Quarterly West, paragraph, 3am, Hayden's Ferry Review, Swink, Salt Hill, Quick Fiction, Pindeldyboz, Word Riot, Wild Strawberries and the Alaska Quarterly Review, among others. He is working on a manuscript of collaborative poems, some of which appear in the current Mississippi Review. He has received an award from the Academy of American Poets, and fellowships from the Prague Summer Writer's Workshop and Ledig House Writer's Colony.